Why?

This quote from Erica Blasberg's father Mel has led much of the media to speculate that the 25-year-old took her own life on Sunday:

"At first glance, it looks like she might have taken her own life, but at second glance, something is very, very strange about it.  We're waiting for the police to make an investigation.

"Either way, I lost her and it's impossible to deal with."

Tuesday morning, her agent Chase Callahan told reporters that Blasberg's bags were packed for a Sunday flight to Alabama.  This news gave me much hope that her death wasn't intentionally self-inflicted.  Then came the report that her caddy for Monday qualifying had received a text from Erica early Sunday saying that she wasn't coming.

I don't have any insight into Erica's personal life.  I also can't deny that her on-course performance over the last five years (one career Top 10 finish) is a far cry from the success she probably envisioned when she left the University of Arizona.  I can only hope to God it wasn't suicide and that it had nothing to do with her career because she had just taken a significant step towards turning it around.

Back problems led Blasberg to her worst season in 2009, making only five cuts in 17 starts and finishing 128^th on the money list.  She entered Q-School in December and played so-so through two rounds (+6 T70 out of 105 players) before withdrawing.  Her father was quoted afterward as saying her heart wasn't in the game.  By late April Erica apparently had enough faith in her game that she traveled to Morelia in order to attempt Monday qualifying.  She shot 74 and finished second to Diana D'Alessio, earning a spot in the field.  Before the tournament began Thursday, she agreed to appear in a "back to college" day at a local university (video clip at the link) with Mina Harigae and Mariajo Uribe.  Blasberg opened the event with a 75 but her 70 on Friday made the cut by three shots.  77 on Saturday ruined any hopes of a great finish but she posted another 70 on Sunday to wind up T44.  By earning $5544 that weekend, Blasberg figured to boost her Priority Status to somewhere in the 150-160 range.  That would have given her a decent chance to make the field at the LPGA Championship and an even better chance to play at the Farr and other full-field events in August.  So her prospects were definitely looking up, but was it enough?  Only Erica knows for sure.

Every so often, I try to focus my writing on the players who don't get much ink.  I've attempted to show how difficult it can be for a player on the fringe to make a living, much less live the dream of being a successful pro golfer.  For most, the dream is merely to make the big time, play on Tour for a year or three or however long they can hang on and then move on with their lives.  For a few, the dream was larger than that and the reality is much more difficult to come to terms with.  Even worse - being the solitary game it is, a disappointing golf career just piles on its victim.  Forget the monetary issues - imagine the pressure of disappointing family and friends (no matter how much they try to convince you that you didn't let them down) after you have tried every possible way to succeed.  Several years ago they all told you "You can't miss", and yet you did.  Also, your failure is a public one, posted online and in the newspapers for all to see.  If your post-career plans aren't well-defined or the opportunity for them hasn't opened yet, the pressure is even greater.

I'm not certain if any of this applies in Erica's case - that last paragraph is a piece of fiction based on my perception of reality.  Like a lot of other people, I'm trying to wrap my head around what just happened and make some sense of it.  Until the official investigation is completed, that will have to do.  In the meantime, I'm only sure about one thing - we didn't lose a golfer, we lost a beautiful human being.  However it was caused doesn't change that.